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Dating for the frugal

By Meg | March 31, 2008

Dating is hard work, but it can be even trickier if you’re trying to save money. For the most part, people still tend to equate having money with being successful — and spending money is seen as the principal sign that someone has it. Of course, that’s far from how things really work. In my experience, those who have money got there because they don’t spend money just to spend it, while those who are big spenders are usually deep in debt. However, society seems slow to change how it judges people.

It is no wonder, then, that some frugal daters worry about looking like a loser. More than that, though, most of the dating advice out there doesn’t consider that people might have very limited budgets. Reading some advice, you’d think that courting was all about the dinner and movie, the long stem roses, the diamond ring and the big fairy tale wedding that your grandkids will have to pay off.

Fear not, though. It is possible to date frugally and still be seen as a great catch. Here’s how.

Be true to yourself

First and foremost, be true to yourself and your principals. Sure, you may find it hard to get a date, but it’ll be more likely that you’ll find someone who shares your values.

In The Complete Tightwad Gazette, Amy Dacyczyn has this to say on the topic:

When you are dating, don’t worry about making a good impression. Make an accurate impression. Spend in a way that is consistent with your income and values. In doing so you increase your chances of attracting someone with whom you are most compatible.

Save money, but ethically

There’s no shame in being frugal, but some people use being frugal as an excuse to do things that are unethical or even illegal. If you cross the line, that will rightly raise red flags. Being low on cash is not an excuse to sneak into movies or not give the waiter a tip. There are many other things you could do on a date that don’t cost any money.

Be generous

Being generous doesn’t mean that you have to spend a lot of money. You can be generous with your time and other resources. Volunteer work is a great way to show that you’re generous. Being generous with your time and attention will make a huge impression to those who are used to having people try to buy their love.

Plus, remember that how you spend will be used as an indication of your priorities, regardless of how much you have to spend. Dates will generally understand you not spending money on them if you don’t spend a lot on yourself. However, no one will anyone be impressed if you continually splurge on yourself but are stingy with others.

Wow them with your skills, not money

Even big spenders can be wowed with things other than money. Great cooking skills can more than make up for eating out. Personalized, homemade gifts are a lot more thoughtful than yet another piece of cheap plastic crap. Got a green thumb? Home grown food and flowers make great gifts, too.

And instead of heading out to dinner and a movie, why not share your talents. Spend the afternoon teaching your date how to do something that you love. Who knows, it may become a new hobby for them, too.

Do pay some attention to your appearances — and hygiene

Dating isn’t “all about appearances”, but a pretty huge chunk of it is. You don’t have to be stunning or decked out in designer to find a great mate, though. To borrow a phrase from Mrs. Micah, you should try to be “well-groomed and in a society-accepted style.”

If you decide to skip bathing, deoderant and toothpaste to save money, be prepared to accept the consequences. And gals, you don’t have to wear makeup, but sometimes it’s well worth it to grab some cheap mascara and lip gloss.

Although you may have a limited wardrobe, try to keep what you have in good condition. Avoid wearing stuff on dates that is stained, faded, torn, or otherwise showing a lot of wear. If you can fix those things, do so. Otherwise, consider them work clothes and invest in a few nicer outfits.

Be a good person

This should be essential for everyone, regardless of their financial situation — and it doesn’t cost a penny.

I’m a big believer in respect especially. Respect yourself, respect your date, respect others, respect what you have, respect other people’s stuff. The list of examples could fill a book (and maybe a few upcoming blog posts), but if in doubt, just keep asking yourself, “Is this respectful?”.

Be thoughtful.

In addition to showing respect, try to anticipate your date’s needs and feelings. If you’re going on a picnic, bring a blanket for your date to sit on and make sure that they know to dress appropriately. Make a dinner that they’ll enjoy just as much as you do, if not more. Do small favors.

In short, there are many ways to be true to yourself on a small budget. And when you are a good person and true to yourself, you don’t have to worry about looking like a looser because you aren’t.

Tags: Etiquette, Impressions, Saving Money

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