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Ask Meg: Casual catastrophe?
By Meg | August 14, 2007
The following question has been edited with the author’s permission for length and privacy reasons. If you would like to submit a question to Ask Meg, please use the contact form on the Ask Meg page.
Dear Meg:
Last week my husband was invited to have lunch with an individual at a highly professional type of organization. However, the culture of the town is very informal, i.e., more of an “artsy fartsy” type of environment with book stores, coffee shops, and outdoor boutique type shopping. In an email, my husband asked if I and our child could attend. The response seemed favorable.
Well, we both showed up for the lunch in clothing that matched the city, i.e., my husband wore khaki shorts, a Caribbean shirt, and Birkenstocks. The person meeting us showed up in a suit. I knew in my heart that we had probably “already” blown it and we both agree now that we made a huge mistake.
Is there any way that we can undo our highly unprofessional “first impression?” If we had it to do over again, my husband would attend alone, he would wear a suit with appropriate accessories. We were both wrong in our thinking that because it seemed like an informal lunch “get acquainted” situation, we arrived on a casual note. My husband is not at all opposed to dressing more conservatively. We were just in the mindset of what we know of the city and the culture within the
city.Is there any hope for this situation or is it a “done deal?”
- Mari
Dear Mari:
You’re right, he should gone in a suit if he wasn’t sure what the other guy would expect, and he also should have gone alone since that would have been more professional. After all, the point of the meeting was for the two guys to get to know each other on a rather professional level. Business casual might have worked fine, but there is a huge difference between business casual and the type of casual you described. Did your husband blow the meeting entirely? Maybe, maybe not. It’s definitely worth trying to make a great second impression.
Since you don’t have access to a time machine, I suggest that your husband make an effort to keep in touch with the guy. A written thank you note on professional letterhead thanking him for his time would be a nice gesture. The formality of it would offset the casualness of the meeting outfit. Further calls and emails with follow up questions or other information are also a great way to say, “I’m interested and willing to go out of my way to let you know.”
If there is another similar lunch meeting in the future with the same person, I wouldn’t have your husband dress in a suit. I know that sounds like a contradiction, but at this point it might seem like too big of a change and look suspicious, or at least make his original attire look even more casual. Instead, I’d have him dress in business casual: some long dress pants (nice khakis are alright, but gray would probably look better), a button up dress shirt, a sport coat, dress shoes and matching belt, and optionally a tie. In a different, more formal setting, tell him to go all the way - suit, tie, leather briefcase, dress watch, etc. A couple weeks before, make sure his clothing fits perfectly. If not, have it tailored if possible (if not, it’s time to go shopping). Make sure all the accessories are right, too. No plastic watches or canvas tote bags.
I hope that helps. Best of luck to your husband.
And just think… the other guy probably felt just as uncomfortable in his suit.
- Meg
Tags: Fashion, Impressions, Work
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August 15th, 2007 at 7:23 am
i think i might have died from a panic attack, but i agree with what meg said! :) follow up with a very professional letter or email, but if they get to meet up again, don’t go over-the-top and get all decked out in a suit, but go smart casual, so that it might seem that “rather casual” is your husband’s style.
i wonder if it might be safe to email the other man explaining that your husband thought it would be a casual affair….
August 16th, 2007 at 8:49 pm
Welcome Gilda!
I’m glad you agree about not going over-the-top the second time around. I think that would be a lot of people’s first instinct (it was even for me). While I certainly don’t mind readers disagreeing with me, it’s comforting to know that others agree with my advice.
I’m not sure an explanation email would work well, though. I usually lean towards apologies more than not, but sometimes it’s best not to bring attention to an error.